CHANGE OF SCENERY!!!!!

(THIS IS BLOWING ROCK, WHICH WE VISITED POST-WEDDING!)

Hello, people! I don't actually have anything to say right now (or much time to say anything). It's just that this blog is our homepage, which means that everytime I go online I'm greeted by it. And it's not that my baby girl isn't beautiful enough to look at everyday for several weeks---or years----but it can be a little tough at times. So until someone ELSE has post-worthy updates, I think I'll give myself a less nostalgic homepage picture to look at!! Love to all!

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!

Today, you would be seven. You should have spent the day on cloud nine, dancing tirelessly among us! There should have been cake and ice cream, party guests and party favors.......Instead, you spent this birthday the same way you've spent the others.....IN the clouds, dancing without us. And I spent it doing a lot of wistful thinking. Nonetheless, happy birthday kiddo. I hope they at least made you a cake (and as we learned with the "fishes and loaves" story, that one cake would somehow serve all your party guests, no matter how many turn out!)!

NOT SO MUCH.........

Sorry, Beck (and others). I'm currently stuck on the darker "backside" of hope.....the place where everything you dared hoped for now looks like mere fantasy. (Yet again, I didn't wake up to find that kitten wrapped in a blanket!) I have not, however, changed my stance on the experience of hope itself----I still say it's better to have enjoyed those days of optimism and enthusiasm, regardless of how things actually turned out! Yes, moving from the warm glow of hope into its gloomy shadow is always a difficult transition to make. And yes, there are moments when despair steps up to take optimism's place. But those moments don't last, and in the end I'm surely better off having had the "spiritual vacation"!

Logically, I also know that hope isn't altogether lost. There are next steps to consider. If Lyme Disease really IS a factor in all of this, for instance, an infection as prolonged as mine would NOT typically resolve with just one month of IV antibiotics. But my sleepiness is such an overwhelming factor these days that finding the energy to TAKE those next steps continues to elude me. I mean, it literally takes me several days to gather the energy reserves required to take a stupid shower, let alone actively pursue medical intervention! Even thinking about it is overwhelming. I know it's hard for others to understand how I could feel too tired to pursue getting better, because it's also a difficult experience to effectively describe. But let's see.......have any of you ever experienced jumping into a "foam pit", such as the one gymnasts use for conditioning? It looks like a pool, but instead of water it's filled with an seemingly endless pile of soft foam squares (not Styrofoam). I hated that thing in gymnastics---we'd have to use a rope swing to swing out as far into the center of it as possible, and then let go. The excruciatingly difficult process of making it back to "shore" was one you'd truly have to experience to understand. It feels like no matter how much effort you put forth, no progress is ever made. I always wound up fighting back tears and wishing I could just give up and disappear! To date, I think that's the best description of living in this body when it's at its worst. For those of you who've never been in a foam pit, the next best example would be a "lazy river" with a fairly strong current---if you've ever attempted to walk or swim AGAINST that current, you'll also have a pretty good idea of what I'm describing! There's nothing more defeating than to give your all and still get no where. On my bad days, even the simple act of sitting up in a chair feels like a resistance exercise. To type this entry right now, I literally have to stop and rest my arms after every single sentence. And a moment ago, tears came to my eyes when I thought about the fact that after I'm done here, I'll have to stand up and walk to the other room. Anyway, I think I've depressed you enough for one day! Hopefully my next entry will find me back in the realm of hope!! Love to all! SanSan

Good to hear from you, Sandy!

I sure hope Lyme is the answer to multiple numbers of your ailments! But, either way, I'm glad you are able to enjoy the "H" word a bit. :-) Hope is something everyone deserves to have.

Are you still feeling better this week? Give us an update!

B

THANKS FOR THE PRAYERS!!

HELLO, ALL!
I just wanted to leave a quick note to say that I REALLY appreciated all of the messages of love and prayer support that were passed my way! They brought me much-needed comfort in the midst of all the anxiety!

As for a health update, with cautious optimism I report that for the last week or so I HAVE felt noticeably better than I was feeling PRIOR to my hospitalization. Now, bear in mind that if any of YOU were feeling the way I feel today, you wouldn't likely have anything positive to say about it. But for me, it's am improvement---and improvement is priceless! The theory of chronic Lyme Disease has proven to be a valid one (I took the time to write up a symptom-timeline from 7th grade on up and it's literally scary how everything started falling apart in the year following that Jamaican tick bite---including many classic Lyme-related symptoms which I had assumed were no longer significant since they all but disappeared after 2-3 years!)! I've always maintained that there HAS to be a connection b/w everything I've experienced over the last 15-16 years---it seems like too much of a coincidence to have so many things randomly fall apart around my 17th birthday! So having a potential explanation for EVERYTHING at once is like a dream come true! But to have that explanation also involve a largely CURABLE disease........well, that's just indescribable!!! As I'm sure you can imagine, I have to work very hard to maintain a logical mindset and not expect a life-changing outcome prematurely! My prayers these days are largely "reminder memos" to God, voicing how excited I get at the prospect of a "new" body and how I long for this journey to be over---but always ending with the vow to accept whatever He chooses to do next. But what if He chooses health....!! The other day I told Danny that when I think about being "cured", and subsequently experiencing LIFE, I get the exact same rush of adrenaline that I got on many Christmas Eve nights as a child. Specifically, for about 3-4 years in a row I asked Santa for a kitten (surprise, surprise!). And even though logic warned that disappointment was eminent, I couldn't help but feel a rush each time I considered the possibility. I'd lay there and pray, over and over, for God (not Santa) to deliver a kitten WRAPPED IN MY LONG-LOST BLANKIE. I could see myself waking up to discover a precious bundle at the foot of my bed, much to the surprise of my whole family (and Santa)! I knew that God probably wouldn't grant my wish, but I also knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that HE WAS CAPABLE of such a miracle, and more. And because such a wonder was not 100% outside of the realm of possibility, I couldn't HELP but believe with a touch of expectation. Even though I was disappointed Christmas after Christmas, that childlike expectation remained undaunted (until one summer God snuck a scraggly kitten into my backyard, instead, so the Christmas miracle was no longer needed!)! I'm actually proud to say that I'm still capable of such childlike belief in the "illogical", after so many devastating disappointments. The experience of BELIEVING is so renewing in and of itself, that I've learned to embrace it even though all signs point to an unhappy outcome. Life has taught me that expecting the worst doesn't make it hurt any less when it hits, no matter what we may tell ourselves. So why not enjoy the opportunity to be awash in optimism.....in that blessed thing called HOPE?! I'm saying all of that to say this.........I do believe that God is deliberately orchestrating every aspect of this latest health situation, and I believe He's doing it for the purpose of bringing about the kind of healing I NEVER could have seen coming! HOWEVER, I also believe that He has full ownership of my present and future life, and as such it's His prerogative to make these days culminate in yet another UNhappy outcome.

Well, I didn't intend to turn this update into a sermon, so I'm going to leave you before I get off on another tangent! Love to all! SANDY

Sandy, praying for speedy recovery!

We love you!!
Becky

first tooth out

Hi everyone. At the risk of taking over the blog, thought I would share another picture. Kathryn is quite proud of her first missing tooth. Love to all, Lisa

Great to see family at the wedding and we missed those who could not travel! Sandy, I was so glad to see that you were able to be up and around. I hope this weekend was an indicator of improving symptom control and a return to a more normal life for you.

I am going to paste Bill's email in here so that everyone receives the update:

Both kids had great 1st days of school. Their first day was a half day, so we met Lisa for lunch after school (even through she had three new patients and clinic to cover). On the drive down to St. Jude, I listened to a 30 minute monologue about all the wonderful things that happened on the first day. Shockingly, it was James who had so much to say, and Kathryn who was quiet. I think she was a little tired. James is convinced that his teacher, Mrs. Corzine, is a long lost relative. She was an Army brat, born in Europe (Scotland), her husband is an LSU grad, and she loves science. All in all, a great first day.
Bill

MomO and Andy's birthday dinner

Sandy-

I bet you thought I had forgotten to post this. It was really good seeing you that night. Hope you are doing good and see ya in a few weeks.

Everyone just wantedt o say hello and hope that I get to see ya'll in a few weeks.

Just for fun

Hi everyone. I decided to post just for fun. Just so that it looks like someone is posting to this blog, but I really don't have too much to say. I should be going to bed.

Sandy, I hope your week at Mayo in JAX goes really well and that the doctors get down to the bottom of everything for you. Keep us posted...every gorry detail! :-)

Looking forward to seeing many of you at Thad's wedding in August!

Good night-
Becky

Rainy Day in Jax

Hi Sarah, Sandy, and all,
Thanks for your news...I'm getting ready for a weekend in St Louis as Chris, Zoe and I head there for a close friend's ordination to be a Catholic deacon. (He is our age, works with Chris, married with grown children, and has studied 5 years for this honor/service to their church.) It should be a memorable occasion...and we'll go to a Cardinals game Fri night! Gotta pack, just wanted to say it was great to hear from you. And Sandy, congrats for your part in the Retreat program as well, which I heard was very meaningful.

Hey Right Back!

Sarah (and everyone),
I've been meaning to do the exact same thing, so thanks for actually following thru and leaving a new post! I have the blog page as my homepage, so every time I go online I say, "Man, I haven't posted in FOREVER! I need to leave a note after I've paid bills (or whatever)!" But, inevitably, by the time I'm done with my computer stuff I've forgotten about the blog!
Anyway, there hasn't been much exciting news to share around here, anyway. Except that the Women's Retreat on Forgiveness that Emily put together (and spoke at) was an amazing time for all who attended. So kudos to the kid sister on that one (it was no small undertaking)---and to Mom for all the "behind the scenes" work she did to help! If any of you are curious about it, Adam has made an audio recording of the weekend available online at our church website. I can't wait to hear it all again!!
Last but not least, Will had his second of five horseback riding lessons today! So far he's taken it all in stride---fearless and enthusiastic (like he always is regarding activities that have an element of danger!!), but no more excited about the whole deal than he would be about a trip to the ice cream parlor :>) !!! But we won these five sessions at a silent auction, paying only $50 TOTAL. So I can afford to keep taking him and see if a deeper interest in them doesn't click before all is over said and done! I WOULD download precious pictures of him atop the gallant steed, but I've put my camera in a very safe place and keep forgetting to FIND that place before session time!
Okay, I guess that's about all I have to give. Glad to hear from you again, Sarah, and hope to hear from everyone else soon as well! S

Just wanted to say hey

Well its been a few months since anyone has blogged so I wanted to say hey. I'm sure if anyhting major had gone on, we all would know right? Well i wish everyone a great weekend.

The road to recovery

Hi All!

The doctor said one of the stones was the size of a golf ball and he had to do some extra stretching of the incision to still be able to get it out with the scope. I am still a little bit sore but getting around better each day. I plan to return to work tomorrow.

One of the father's took some great pictures at the last soccer tournament and thought you might like to see James in action.

Hope all is well with everyone.

Love, Lisa

Lisa

Let us know how the surgery went! I hope it went well and your problem is resolved.

Good luck!

I know you'll be glad to have this ordeal behind you! Good luck on an uneventful procedure and super-speedy recovery! Make sure you remind the kids that when Mommies have surgery it's mandatory for their children to wait on her hand and foot for at least 48 hours afterward!!! This means breakfast, lunch, AND dinner in bed, pillow-fluffing, remote-control locating, phone-call screening, never letting the drink glass get under half-full, foot massages......well, you know the drill. (Sorry, kids, but rules are rules!) Love ya! SANDY

Off to the hospital

Hi everyone-

Happy belated anniversary to C&B.

Thought you might like to see a picture of my future astronauts. If I can figure out what file I put them in, I will upload a picture of James playing soccer but I can't seem to find the file this AM.

I am off to the hospital to have this pesky gallbladder removed. I had every test possible to prove that it was not the problem but every test pointed back to the gallbladder. So I will have it out and hopefully be done with this chapter. I have to be at the hospital at 5:30 AM for surgery at 7:30 and hope to be home by mid-afternoon. Please keep the prayers coming and I will let you know how everything went.

Love, Lisa