~ ~ ~ BECKY---I think you were actually only left off of two minor ones recently (I forwarded them).
~ ~ ~ EMILY---I almost mentioned that the Modlins had an excuse, but I guess figured that went without saying since I sent out the little "thinking of you" a few entries before! I mean, I'm pregnant and impatient, but I don't think I've reached monster status! It also occurred to me that some of her sisters may have ventured to NC for the funeral but, again, I didn't bother to write it----mostly because I didn't actually expect anyone but Becky to read that entry, and I knew she'd take my venting with a grain of salt. (Mmmmm........salt..............pickles and----oops, sorry about that!) By the way, I also knew that your absence was about locale, not personal preference.
~ ~ ~ LISA (and others)---When you say you felt "fussed at", do you mean by my emails, or by everyone's actual blog posts??? Because if you meant the blogs, I'm surprised by that (and concerned, if it's true). I scanned over the last week or so and didn't really see anything negative. But if I missed them, I do want to apologize. I also went back and deleted my last night's "vent blog", because I really hate to have put such a negative taste in people's mouths!!! I honestly didn't expect an audience----and I knew that the one person I was technically writing to would likely recognize that my MAIN concern isn't whether or not other people are posting as much as me, even though it looks like that's my issue. See, Becky and I have both mentioned (mostly during the blog's first trial run) that we feel incredibly silly posting when no one else is. We want to write something, but don't want to look stupid when someone does come onto the page and just sees our names over and over and over and over. It looks kind of narcissistic, doesn't it? At the same time, this is kind of my only chance to be "around" adults (unlike many of you who often wish you could just escape them, I know), and I literally crave that feeling like a drug! So what I'm trying to say is that part of the reason I nag people to blog is because it will: A.) Give me new, adult, subjects to think about, and B:) Give me an opportunity to post something without looking like I WANT to monopolize the page!!!!!
~ ~ ~ Now, as far as the negative tone of my emails, I can't argue with you. But I CAN say I wasn't actually comfortable with the tone, even when I sent them. The problem is that I clearly don't know how to encourage blog participation without also becoming bossy, cynical, and nagging. The key to this problem actually lies in the foundation of the blog page itself. I guess its time for me to share all the fun background info with everyone, so maybe you'll finally see where all this craziness in me is coming from! So, here's the back-story:
~ ~ ~ Many moons ago, Wendy and I had been talking (via email) about the flaws in the current email-chain system, when she mentioned that a family blog might be the perfect solution. But who would make that happen??? My initial reaction was to sigh and say, "Yeah, exactly. Who's gonna do it?" (Because I had actually given up hope on being able to take on, and complete, tasks like that.) **PAUSE: In writing that previous statement, I was operating under the assumption that everyone knows everything about my life and health status these days, thanks to Mom. But that may not be true. So, in case you didn't know, I'll go ahead and take a moment right now to sort of catch you up:
~ ~ ~ Over the past two years I have become increasingly consumed by two sides of a very sharp "health sword"---chronic, severe, migraines and severe narcolepsy. The narcolepsy's effects are pretty obvious. The migraines are almost more insidious, as the ocular type (my most common one) attacks my two deepest loves in life----reading and writing. The narcolepsy alone would not likely prevent me from working on some sort of meaningful written work, so my life would still have a sense of purpose and meaning if only plagued by it. Unfortunately, the ocular migraines are such that sometimes I go months without even being able to do a brief Bible study, let alone work on writings of my own! (I do have audio tape studies, etc, but to tell you the truth all I want to do when I'm inspired by them is write about the inspiration! Not having that option can make the overall experience extremely unpleasant.) I have literally had to let go of every life goal, every personal dream......sometimes it even feels like I've had to let go of me. I watch the world spin on, through half closed eyes, and try not to think of everything I would be doing to help----to matter----if I could only function. (And that was with medication. Now that I'm pregnant, I don't even have the meds----so I'd do anything to feel that good again!)
~ ~ ~ Okay, so I just re-read the above paragraph, and I have to say that it makes me extremely uncomfortable to have been so open. It sounds like I'm just whining, and I really want to erase it. But doing so means that you won't know the whole story, and will be left to assume that my negative emails are just evidence of a negative nature. I really, really don't want that! So, moving on.......
~ ~ ~ Back to the blog's creation: Wendy and I discussed the desire for someone to create a home page, and for some reason I made the decision that I would be the one. I figured that if I couldn't follow through, I simply wouldn't tell anyone that I'd even tried! And luckily, it was much easier than I expected (at least the initial part). I don't even think I was on the computer long enough for a migraine that first night! The mere fact that I finished something I had set out to do was MONUMENTAL for me! I was too ashamed to tell anyone about it, but that was the first accomplishment I had experienced in well over a year. So, as you can imagine, there was a lot of emotional baggage tied to this site from day one!! Having successfully created the page, I was literally desperate to see others enjoy, and benefit from, the blog page. It was like a tiny, coveted, taste of the "helping others" that I emotionally and spiritually long to do with my life, but just can't. Tweaking and fine-tuning the page did end up costing me many expensive migraine pills, so to speak, but in the end I was amazed to discover a color scheme that GREATLY reduced the incidence of ocular migraines! Suddenly the blog page's success took on a whole new level of importance for me----I could read what others wrote without paying for it that night!!! So, as you can tell, the payoff for all of my work was huge. Especially at first, when it seemed like Christmas as one by one new names joined on!! Shortly thereafter, however, I was sidelined with a three-day migraine. And when I finally returned, I discovered that the blog was a ghost town. The town never did revive, and I gave up on it. I know it sounds incredibly juvenile, but I actually felt rejected when the majority of the email chain didn't put much effort into trying the blog during that first go round. (Don't worry, Lisa, you were among the blessed few who DID!!!) Because I had so much riding on the existence, and success, of this family home page, I took its failure pretty hard. But I couldn't explain that to anyone without also describing some of the more humiliating aspects of my personal world. So I just let it go completely. Only the desperation of pregnancy (i.e. no medication) led me to pick up the torch and try again----I needed to connect with people who don't live within the confines of this blasted house!!!
~ ~ ~ Okay, this is really frustrating but I have to stop because of a sudden migraine, and the accompanying need to hang my head over a toilet bowl! (Unfortunately this page, where we write on, isn't nearly as eye-friendly as the blog itself, although still better than my email site.) I obviously haven't finished, but I'll try to do so in a follow-up post. I fully intended to end this post with a response to YOUR post, Lisa, rather than have it be 100% about me. I guess could just save this as a draft and complete it later, but right now something tells me it would be better to post it in this incomplete state than to post nothing at all. So, to be continued.............................Sandy
