Laurie (and Co),
I just wanted to express my sympathy for the disappointments that (currently) refuse to leave your plate! (Hopefully you'll get this message, even though it's going to be placed on the blog rather than via email----my eyes simply couldn't take another session on that email page!) I wish I could give you some helpful advice in the "trying to choose to be upbeat" department. But I supposed that's not a skill many of us have mastered.
As is probably true for all of us, your situation is a familiar one to me. And tonight, it has me thinking..........................(*****WARNING: Sandy is about to wax theological on you, and she will likely be long-winded. Continue reading at your own risk!*****)......................................................
Like you, I fervently pray for God's control in ALL areas---because I truly do want Him to be the architect of my life. And in the prayerful days and hours prior to a big decision/outcome (like Thad's), I also find solace and security in the belief that He will honor my request (in His way). But if, and when, His way proves different from my own, I inevitably begin doubting that He's really watching out for me at all! I question my previous sense of solace and security, wondering if it wasn't just wishful thinking, completely overlooking the fact that my deepest solace had been in the knowledge of His presence and participation NO MATTER WHAT the end result may be!!! How short is my faith's attention span!!! This then begs the unanswerable question: "Did I actually lack faith in, and acceptance of, God's providence all along? Had I managed to pull the wool over my own eyes---temporarily numbing the pain of being powerless in that situation? Or is it just that disappointment renders me vulnerable to Satan's finely-tuned weapons of deceit and devastation?
Perhaps the real answer, here, is that I should be preparing my heart for disappointment in the same way I might prepare to embark on any other spiritual battle. I shouldn't approach the subject of disappointment with religious theories and logical mental processes----I should look at it through war-wizened eyes, prepared to deal first with the spiritual attack it will bring and second with my emotional and intellectual reactions! For example, in your case you might have said: "Tomorrow I find out if Thad will be among those called early. If he is not, Satan's likely first moves against me (and my family) will be_ _ _ _ _ _. But I AM NOT Satan's toy, and I won't allow myself to be toyed with! Therefore, MY spiritual action plan in the event of a disappointment is _ _ _ _ _ _." Imagine how different the whole experience would be if, following disappointing news, my thoughts were instantly focused on launching a spiritual OFFENSIVE! I could respond like a confident soldier, rather than a powerless victim! For example: The soldiers at Gettysburg, etc, were surely hoping and praying that each new order from above would take them away from that gruesome scene, rather than send them charging further into it. But when disappointed, they had no time to dwell on that fact. They were soldiers. Hearing the command to charge, they would have instinctively, immediately, picked up their rifles and marched. Acceptance. Obedience. Action. I hope that one day I'll have the courage to try this approach and see what happens......!
Okay, on that note I'll finally leave you! (Will has a hankering for a tickling session and has been just about as patient as he knows how to be!!!) Laurie and family, you're in my thoughts and prayers. (And thank you for getting me thinking again, by the way! It feels awful good to be conscious!) S
