Sandy-
Your beautiful writing conveys so much of your powerful inner life. I agree that we are fortunate to be blessed with a large family who supports us and loves us, no matter what the situation. This unconditional love is what Jesus taught us.
You are correct that half-way through your post I felt the need to stop and call you to ask if you felt like hurting yourself. I am glad I finished reading instead. I do not think that your symptoms and feelings are a character flaw at all. You have provided a heart-wrenching description of depression. Such a vivid portrayal of sadness, of severe fatigue, of the feeling that the world would not notice if you were gone! I understand that some people feel that depression is a character flaw or a lack of mental toughness. It is not. Depression is an illness that happens to affect the brain. Mental illness also happens to run in our shared families and can be expressed as depression or mania or addiction. I am not discouraging you from being fully evaluated for all your symptoms nor discounting the dysautonomia, but I am encouraging you to consider that part of the problem could be depression and you may benefit from exploring that diagnosis and treatment. I want nothing more than for you to be the best Sandy possible.
Hope my comments are helpful. I debated on whether to say anything for fear that I would inadvertently say something that was hurtful.
Have not had time to research the dinosaur issue. I have to admit that I don't struggle with this issue personally and never followed the literature that closely. Will let you know if I find any great insight.
Lisa
